Good Friday Prayer

“Savior of the world, what have you done to deserve this? And what have we done to deserve you? Strung up between criminals, cursed and spat upon, you wait for death, and look for us, for us whose sin has crucified you.

To the mystery of undeserved suffering, you bring deeper mystery of unmerited love. Forgive us for not knowing what we have done; open our eyes to see what you are doing now, as through wood and nails, you disempower our depravity and transform us by your grace.” -(Prayer from City Church Good Friday service)

Thank God that..."We are an Easter people in a Good Friday world." (-Fred Harrell) 

Easter comes tomorrow! And He is risen!

My Dads.

My dad and I have always had a special relationship. I love him and have this big soft spot in my heart for him, and that’s really all there is to it. I think the man is hysterical. He’s one of my favorite people to reminisce with and hash out old memories. We spent lots of time together growing up because of all the basketball stuff we did together. We saw Bring it On together in the theatre, would sing with hairbrush microphones in the car, and I for some reason thought it was okay to chase him around with water and throw it on him…a lot. He loved it though. He is a hard worker. He thinks I’m funny (I love that). He’ll often just call and leave me a message in the morning to tell me how proud of me he is and that he loves me. I feel very safe with my dad and overall just really trust him. I remember being little and being scared to be driving home in a snowstorm or something- but if my dad was driving, my fear was gone. I just knew that he’d do everything he could to keep us safe.  He’s not perfect, far from it (though he’s always told me he’s like Mary Poppins- “practically perfect in every way”), and yet I appreciate that I have seen my dad grow and change and become a better human being over the years. It’s kind of ridiculous actually how often Matt calls me “Phil” because I say or do something that makes me look or sound like a mini-version of my dad. I’m okay with that. 

I don’t write this because it’s his birthday or father’s day but because I feel really thankful in a world with lots of not so great dads to have one like him. I don’t take that lightly because quite honestly I know that having a dad like him is kind of hard to come by. I know that not everyone has experienced having a father at all, many had not great fathers, and many have had great dads and have lost them already. Though I’m not a man and will never be a father I know that it is a great responsibility and so I’m grateful.

We got to spend the evening with my parents a couple nights ago, which is a nice benefit of living in the Bay Area again. We were reminiscing about when my dad first moved out to California in 1998. He came 9 months before my sisters and my mom and I because we had to finish school, sell our house, and wrap up what was our whole life in Maryland. He mentioned how I would write him letters and how he saved all of them and still has them. We remembered how we’d send him videos of each of my sister and I’s basketball games and he shared how he would watch each of them…multiple times. I remember the morning he left. He cried and I WEPT. I missed my dad so much during those 9 months. I started watching John Wayne movies religiously so that we could talk about them when he’d come home to visit. My dad loved John Wayne, and in his absence I just started to love the things he loved because I missed him and wanted to make him happy and connect with him when he came for a visit. 

I’m sure you can guess where this is going and I would hate to sound cliché or to make little of the old earthly father to heavenly father analogy. In my heart and mind, these moments of realization and reminders from the Lord aren’t cliché moments, but moments of God’s goodness and grace breaking through.

God is a good Father. He is a perfect father, and better than my earthly father. Jesus said, “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:11) But really, if my dad is great and he is a sinner like we all are, how much greater is the love, protection, enjoyment, and adoration of a perfect Father. Jesus also says, "Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.” (Luke 12:32) It is our Father’s pleasure to give us the thing that is our greatest joy and life's purpose. His perfect love casts out all fear. He calls me his beloved daughter. He wants what’s best for me, would do anything for me and already has by sending his Son to die for me. God is fully concerned with my life. He has left me the longest and hardest to understand morning voicemail through his word and is trusting me do the work of the family business- building the kingdom. And hopefully, someday, he’ll say to my face, “Well done…I’m proud of you.”

Jesus says things like, “Be perfect, as your father is perfect”, “Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful”, “Forgive as your Father has forgiven you”. I’m supposed to be like God just like I’m like Phil. And what’s really cool, is that just like I’ve seen a lot of my dad in me as I’ve gotten older, by the grace of God, I see my heavenly Father making me more like him over time, as well. And just like I started to “love” John Wayne in my dad’s absence, I have been growing in my love of things the Father loves. I’m asking him to help me to more and more love the nations, the poor and weak, His word, the church, the lost, and his creation.

In short, I think the knowledge that God would watch my fifth grade basketball games multiple times, save my letters to him (or collect my teardrops/know the number of hairs on my head…that’s awesome, too), and that His imprint is more and more on my life is pretty incredible. I’m thankful to have a great dad in the physical absence of the ultimate Dad, and thankful that ultimately there is a perfect Dad that I can fully and eternally trust, enjoy, and love.

I hope this is a timely reminder and encouragement to you today of how good God is and how much He loves you, and that in response you’d love him and the things he loves. 

Toy Story 3 and our Community Problem

We watched Toy Story 3 last night. I recommend most movies that make me cry because I’m a “feeler” and anything that can evoke emotion and get me the kind of outlet and release that a good cry does is worth it in my book. But, I would definitely recommend Toy Story 3 to anyone. It is such a sweet movie.

I liked it so much because, despite it being about toys that are alive (so realism isn’t necessarily it’s highest merit, which is normally something I look for in a movie) it touches on the real pain and challenge of transition, growing up, and growing apart. And at its core is the importance and life-changing-ness of relationships. Andy, the owner of the whole toy gang, is going to college and the toys are heart-broken that they are unwanted and un-played with, and that ultimately they will be left behind. I won’t give you all the details of the movie. But what made me cry was how much these toys loved their owner and loved each other. As Andy pulls away and leaves them for good, he is leaving his childhood and these toys are saying good-bye to someone who has defined them and been their best friend and greatest joy. It’s a hard thing, and yet, it feels right because transition and growing up are normal. The toys move on to a new task and a new owner, and I have no doubt they will be just as loyal to her, and remain loyal to each other. Sniffle, sniffle.

Growing up is really sad in a lot of ways, and I just think that’s all there is to it. It’s hard to know that you can’t go back and that time just keeps moving forward. I honestly can’t imagine being a parent and watching your child grow up and knowing they’ll never return to the baby that once cooed and napped in your arms. Such is life, I know, but I think without the perspective that we really are just sojourning and that life is short and heaven is long, it could really get you down.

I’ll just say that Woody may be one of the most inspiring movie characters, well…ever. He is fiercely loyal, intelligent, brave, heroic, and tenderhearted. He cares more about other people than himself. He has a sense of what is right and leads others with him to actually do it. He is strong and yet caring, and honestly if Woody were real I think he would be a great pastor or best friend. You should really see this movie. The whole community of toys is actually beautiful. They have a singleness of mind and purpose, are really concerned with each other’s best, they support each other in hard things (like when Barbie gets tossed to the curb…poor Barbie), they have fun together, they really know each other and while there are moments of frustration and tension, I really think they’d take a bullet for one another. At the end there is this scene where they think they’re about the die and they look at each other, hold hands, and wait- in it until the end, together.

Here at the end of the semester, I have been having some important conversations with our students and staff team about what the family of God, what Christian community, should look like. I think we’re missing it in a lot of ways. I can find myself getting so frustrated sometimes when I see our students not asking each other questions, not caring to take the time to get to know each other’s stories, not needing each other in the way that I think we were intended to in this crazy, hard, and tempting world. It can drive me crazy, honestly, that they don’t love each other like they should.

 And yet, when I look at my own life, I know I’m part of the problem in my own world. Authentic community is hard because it takes a lot of time and energy, and it takes going to spend time with people when all you’d really like to do is stay home and watch Toy Story 3. It’s hard because I spend all day with myself and I’m well-acquainted with my problems and my own story, and I think it’s worthy of other people’s care and concern, and yet it’s harder to look outside of my own experience. And, it’s scary to let people know you- to really know you- because what if they don’t like you? Or they challenge you to stop doing the things you know you shouldn’t be doing? It’s hard to know how exactly you go about building and sustaining a healthy community of people with so much sin and brokenness in the world, and in this time in history when life is busy and distracted and so very disconnected.  But, I think I need to try harder to figure it out.

Often, I’m great at diagnosing problems, and doing very little to actually change them. But, I think God really cares about this issue. He talks all the time in his Word about how we treat “one another”, and the things that he talks about most are what I think we should pay attention to most. For whatever reason, in his goodness and sovereignty, God has chosen to use us, his people, to be instruments in each other’s lives. We are to show each other his love, grace, goodness, care, provision, forgiveness, gentleness, and to bear witness to the pain and tough things in life, and then appeal to our just and good God together for justice and restoration. We really are his hands and feet and heart and mouth for each other. I read things in the Bible about breaking bread together, striving to maintain unity, providing for any who is in need, praying for each other, encouraging and admonishing one another, looking not to my best interest but to yours. Our staff team watched a Tim Keller sermon on this topic recently and he submits that if we live in healthy community together- 1. We will be changed and healed 2. We will see God, and 3. Others, on the outside will see God. This is something I want to be a part of.

We are in process, I think, and it's definitely not ALL bad. Matt and I have a community group we go to on Wednesday nights with our church and we really like it. In many ways it has the potential to be a great picture of what we’ve been talking about, if we put the time and work in, and take the risk. We’ve also been fortunate enough to have some great friends living in San Francisco and right around the Bay, some even a few doors down, and so I get glimpses of how we might take advantage of that to really start to build something.

Here are some other practical things I think of that might help: Having more meals together, even if they’re not fancy or well thought out or just leftovers; texting, emailing, and calling more often to check in, encourage, and pray for each other; praying about who is in need and what I could do about it; asking good questions, going to coffee/ lunch and allowing the time needed to be able to bear witness to someone else’s life; doing normal stuff together besides coffee and lunch- like grocery shopping, exercising, etc; being committed to group times; being honest about my own sin and weaknesses; serving the city together, and the list could probably go on. Do you have any other thoughts about how we all make this happen? Do you feel like you are experiencing community in the way it's supposed to be experienced?

So that’s my review of Toy Story 3, coupled with a rant on how we need and often fail at doing community well. While the analogy with my toy friends is faulty and breaks down eventually, I think the toys are a great example of a community I’d like to be a part of. And I would personally like to work hard to make my community of people one that others can see Good and can see God in. 

Reward.

I feel like things like this don’t usually happen to me, so I thought I’d share.

About two weeks ago, Matt and I were coming home late from our weekly meeting on campus. It was about 10:30, a little chilly, foggy, Monday night. We were walking down Clement Street, hardly able to wait until we get inside- Mondays are LONG days. On our way, on the sidewalk, lay a wallet.  Big, black, leather…but alone, and without its owner. Not good. At first I admit that every 20/20 and Law and Order Episode I’ve ever watched was running through my head because it was dark, and quiet, and I hoped this wasn’t planted there for us to pick up by some murderer.  Thankfully, my imagination was wrong. I have a bit of a flare for the dramatics.

So, we bring the wallet inside, and start looking through it, though of course you feel completely weird and awful and looking through a complete stranger’s wallet, even it it is for the greater good and you are, at the moment, the protector of the wallet. Being the detectives that we are, we use her driver’s license to find her in the yellow pages and look up her phone number. I leave a message, declaring the discovery and safety of said wallet. I next call her place of work (again, detectives) and find nothing, and no one helpful. We resolve to wait to hear back from her.

A day goes by and we hear nothing. A little weird, but maybe she was walking to her car, dropped her wallet, and left for vacation? We wait one more day, then start feeling weird about having  the wallet (you stop feeling like the protector after 2 days, and kinda just feel like a thief). So we decided to drive to her house, which turns out to be a business. Next best thing- police station. We must get it off our hands. The lady cop I turned the wallet into was very nice and said she would find Tangerine. This is the owner’s name. We washed our hands of the situation and prayed the best for the reunion of Tangerine and her wallet.

Fast forward two days. The doorbell rings after dinner, when we weren't expecting guests, and who is it but…Tangerine. That little lady got her wallet back, thanks to the fine police department of San Francisco, and now she was on our doorstep. This is a really long story to tell you that Tangerine bought us a $100.00 gift card to Macy’s for taking care of her wallet, and offered us “drinks” with her- and that we can pick the hippest, swankiest place in SF. How nice, huh? She was so happy to have her wallet back. (It reminded me of the "lost and found" parables that Jesus tells and how he explains that God REJOICES over people being "found" like someone who has lost a coin, or a sheep, or a son and find them. I love that God gives us little glimpses into eternal things through earthly things.) Anyway, I just feel like it’s so fun to be able to say that we’ve been given a reward for finding something and returning it safely. Thank you, Tangerine. 

But, to make some sort of meaning to this really long story, I was just thinking how it’s so good of God to bless us when we obey him, even though He is the only standard and the only Right, and He really doesn’t have to.We really didn’t deserve a gift card. The only right thing to do was to return the wallet. And, not that God magically gives us gifts cards every time we obey Him, definitely not. But He does bless obedience in the ways God blesses us- with the peace and comfort of Himself, and the joy that comes from living in line with our Maker. Read Deuteronomy 30, where He talks all about us having a choice to be blessed by choosing obedience. 

And the ugly side is that somewhere deep inside of me, or actually not that deep, when we found the wallet, I was really hoping we’d get some kind of reward. I hate that about myself. I want something for myself out of everything. It’s like I can’t get away from this self-serving, “me want reward” mentality. I don’t want to want God’s things more than I want God, but I fear that I do at times. I want peace, patience, comfort, love, blessing, you name it- I want them more than I want God Himself. This might all sound confusing- I think because it kind of is- but my point is that sometimes I don’t like my heart. But that God is gracious anyway. And that I think it's cool that we have a "lost-and-found-reward" story now. 

The City.

On Friday mornings our team meets for breakfast. Our staff meetings are on Monday mornings, and we work through the details, planning, and strategy of the ministry. But Fridays are a time to eat a meal together, catch up on the week, pray, and to grow as a team.

This past week we started going through a DVD series from Tim Keller called, “The Gospel in Life”. I love so much of what Tim Keller has to say about, what I guess might be called, “city theology”.

The first segment is called, “The City”, and well, it’s about the City. It’s funny that this could be a topic for a series called the Gospel in Life, but I think it’s so relevant. It feels especially relevant where we find ourselves, and our perspective and view of this new place we call home.

In the segment, Keller draws comparisons between modern day Christians living in cities and the Israelite’s experience as they were in exile in Babylon- a city of pagan idolatry and foreign practices. The Babylonians, the pagans, were inviting and urging the Israelites to come into the city and give up their spiritual identity and belief system- to become like the city.  The false prophets of the time were encouraging the Israelites to stay out of the city, isolate themselves, build their own community and stay there, and to, in effect, protect their spiritual identify and beliefs. But God, through Jeremiah, tells the Israelites to enter the city, live there, settle there AND also to keep their spiritual identity and beliefs.

“Thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, to all the exiles whom I have sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce. Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease.” Jeremiah 29:4-6

He goes further to say,

“…seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare.” Jeremiah 29:7

God is concerned with cities. He was then, and He is now.  And shockingly, not just the neat, sweet, perfect little cities that we could somehow call more “Christian”. He cares for the Babylons of the Bible, and of today. He cares for San Francisco.

On our newsletter we have a verse that says, “Should I not be concerned with that great city?” This verse comes from Jonah. In the book of Jonah, God has asked Jonah to go to Ninevah, Jonah is angry and doesn’t want to because Ninevah is full of people who don’t love or serve God. However, God explains that He created this city and the 120,000 people who live there, and that He is concerned with Ninevah. It is a "great" city in that it's big, but also God sees it as important. Ninevah is a big, ungodly, pagan city, and yet, God is concerned.

Keller goes on to outline the purpose and importance of cities throughout time as places of cultural creation and dissemination, law and justice, refuge for the poor and for minorities, and places of spiritual seeking and finding. Sounds pretty good to me. The bad news is that because of SIN and the fact that creation is fallen and groaning for restoration, cities are instead often places of injustice and lawlessness, racism and classism, and materialism and idolatry. Something is off and we all know it. Cities can be hard and confusing places, and somehow being in the city, we can feel a little more keenly that everything isn't as it's supposed to be. Brokenness is the word that comes to mind. 

So, as Jesus himself prayed that the Kingdom would come on earth as it is in Heaven, we pray that, too. And we labor for it. God invites us, the Church, into his plan to bring the Kingdom of God to earth,  and also to seek the welfare of the city.

Cities really can feel confusing and overwhelming. San Francisco can feel that way to me. So many people, ideas, differences…and, so much traffic. But this is not a bad place, and God for whatever reason identifies with the city. (Read Revelation 21 if you get a chance, too.)

I do realize that this skims the surface of some huge ideas, and also that I have much to learn...about a lot of things. However, I wanted to share that I’m glad to be here because cities are important, we have been called, and because God is here. I’m so encouraged by God’s heart for cities, and for San Francisco. God is here and He loves this city and the 700,000 people who live here, as close to Babylon as it might feel sometimes. Our job is to seek the welfare of the city, while loving God and clinging to our God-given identity, mission, and purpose.

(This is actually a post from St. Pierre's in the City blog.)

The Country.

El Nido is a far cry from San Francisco. We are in the country, my friends. Vast, and beautiful, and flat, and quiet, and peaceful as it is.

Matt and I went on a walk the other night. The sky was like a painting. The temperature was like the perfect bath water. It seemed like you could see for miles, hear every chirping cricket and talking bird. And it felt like a scene from “The Notebook” to be walking and talking with my sweetheart.

I have really enjoyed being in the country and getting to walk for miles while chatting on the phone with just cotton fields and cows to look at. The only interruption is the occasional tractor (okay, and my windedness from walking). I have enjoyed the twenty-minute drive to town that gives me a chance to think and pray, or to talk and listen to the Chronicles of Narnia. Driving is more special and meaningful, because we get to “drive to town”. I feel really cool that I can say that. I appreciate a trip to Starbucks or the grocery store as far more exclusive and exciting these days. It’s fun to experience day-to-day life in a fresh new way. I think it wakens you to dormant thankfulness and wonder. It’s all new to me, anyways. Some of you long time country folk might think I’m silly, but dormant gratitude in my own heart is woken.

There is something very private about the country, in a good and a bad way, I think. Privacy is really nice, but it’s also easy and convenient in some ways. No one to bother you. No neighbors. No distractions from a painted sky, “Notebook” kind of night. Convenience and privacy are really nice. Even Jesus taught us the importance of getting alone, getting privacy sometime, to be with the Father. It's good, most of the time. I was struck the other day by this quote:

"Revelation is God's gracious self disclosure whereby He forfeits his own personal privacy so that his sinful creatures could know Him." –Carl Henry

God’s Word, THE WORD, is God giving up his privacy so that we could know Him. He sent His Son so that we could know what God is like. He, Jesus, is “the visible image of the invisible God”. He was the Word and the Word became flesh. How gracious of God to come down. How good of him and how loving that He let us know him, when he lacked nothing in Heaven and was perfectly happy in Himself. 

But God loved us too much not to let us read his journal and experience things His way. 

Matt and I have found much joy lately in clinging to this God who has made Himself known. We have seen in many ways this summer how much we don’t have it all together. In the wake of this, there has been unexpected growth and joy and peace. The answer always seems to be the same in life, which is kind of frustrating, but also so comforting. Frustrating because it feels easier, more inventive and ingenious to come up with the newest self-help, fix-it answer to "life". But comforting because the answer really is always the same. The answer: look AT God. Behold Him and feast on WHO HE is. Love Him. Worship Him. Adore Him. Cling to Him. 

“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:18

I’m so glad the answer has always been the same and always will be the same. Look at Jesus and worship him, and we’ll become like Him. Because the Good News is that He has lets us into his space and privacy- by opening up the door to Heaven, coming to be our neighbor when He didn’t have to, and inviting us into the greatest quiet, dirt-road, painted sky, romantic walk of a lifetime. 

alone, thinking, 16 days and counting.

It’s very quiet in our apartment right now. And, well, to be honest, it’s just me home, and it’s Saturday night at 9:45. I admit that I am feeling a little sorry for myself at the moment.

It’s just starting to hit me that we’re really leaving SLO. I have begun to feel the relative loneliness of being on your way out from one place, but not being fully to the next. 

For anyone who has lived in San Luis Obispo, you know the magic of this place. If you have left, you know the difficulty of leaving, and if you haven’t you probably fear that day, if you’re anything like me.

Specifically today, I am sad about leaving Upper Crust. I have worked there for almost four years. I am 100% comfortable there. I love my family at Upper Crust. I love Tammy. And John. I love that I work with dear and precious friends. I love my regular customers. I even just love waiting tables- it works for me. I love the kitchen staff, and that they have become close over the years. So, today, this week, I am mourning the impending loss of Upper Crust.

Most days, it’s really hard for me to imagine what the next phase will really look like. Our day to day. You see here, we grocery shop at Scholari’s, we take California to 101 to Madonna to work everyday, we know our favorite restaurants, coffee shops, and ice-cream locales, and we know where friends live or drive by and miss the places friends used to live. This place has become home in the past five years. We changed here, grew up here, got married here, and have a billion memories here. 

Where will we grocery shop in San Francisco? There are so many coffee shops and restaurants, how do you pick your favorite? Which will be the fastest routes to…well, anywhere? Where will we sit each week at church? How ever will we find our way around a big city? And how do you meet the friends to fill up the houses that we’ll inevitably long to recognize? I forget how to make friends. Does that just come back- like riding a bike? I imagine it's different now, at this stage of life, and there is a bit of re-learning what I think is actually kind of an art. 

Matt and I are vision people, which I think is a great thing most of the time. But it’s interesting as we prepare for a life change such as this one to balance vision with reality. You need vision and a clear mission to keep you on course. But to achieve the vision or the mission, you need a lot of days of obedience and hard work, a lot of days that might be good, bad, ugly, awesome, and probably somewhere in between. As we have been in the process of raising our financial support, it is encouraging and refreshing to be reminded of our vision and mission day in and day out, through every conversation. However, it’s not enough. Today, we must also know that even when it’s hum-drum, boring, busy, bad, or exciting, our decisions, attitudes, and obedience is what ultimately will get us anywhere. I don’t know what each day will look like for us in San Francisco. I know the vision is great and worthy and compelling, and so I’m thrilled to go. But if I’m honest, there are days when the wondering, not knowing, and the newness of it all can feel a little scary, unsafe, and too new.

Don’t get me wrong. I know we’ll be fine. We’ll be better than fine. I read a book a few summers back called Safer than a Known Way, by Pamela Rosswell Moore. It was life-changing at the time, and still sticks with me today. The premise of the book is that to walk with God and to obey Him, even if it is leading you into the unknown or seemingly undesirable, is SAFER than any KNOWN way. The woman who the book is about, Pamela herself, wants desperately to be married and never wants to move far away from home and she hesitates to follow Jesus because of her desires. She decides to follow Jesus. She doesn’t get married until she’s fifty and she has to move all over the world. In essence, things didn’t go as planned for Pam. But, she was blessed. She was joyful. She was secure and purposeful as she followed Jesus instead of her own way. Her conclusion: She would have wanted it no other way. So, though I know my grocery store, routes, and friends here, and, sure that feels safe; truly the safest I could ever be is to be in the will of God. We’re confident that San Francisco is the next place for us.

Isn’t that an interesting thought, though? In a grand sense, it's true. We assuredly believe that this is the will of God for us- Campus Crusade for Christ in San Francisco. But really, the will of God for me today is to love Him and to love other people. Jesus said this was the greatest commandment: "To love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your strength and all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself" (Luke 10:27). I am not promised tomorrow, and well, sorry to tell you, but neither are you. So I guess I better not live waiting for what’s next but to love God and others today and each of the 16 days we have left in SLO, or wherever you are. And then everyday after that. The reality for all of us is that whatever we are trying to make of ourselves, whatever vision or mission or passion that has captured our pursuit, is only achieved by a bunch of days strung together and lived in with integrity, obedience to God’s word, humility, sincerity, and fervor. And so we keep on sojourning…

                                    

 "O Lord, you have searched me and known me!

You know when I sit down and when I rise up

you discern my thoughts from afar.

You search out my path and my lying down

and are acquainted with all my ways.

 Even before a word is on my tongue,

behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

 You hem me in, behind and before,

and lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

it is high; I cannot attain it.

 Where shall I go from your Spirit?

Or where shall I flee from your presence?

 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

 If I take the wings of the morning

and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

even there your hand shall lead me,

and your right hand shall hold me.

If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,

and the light about me be night,”

even the darkness is not dark to you;

the night is bright as the day,

for darkness is as light with you.

 For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 

Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret, 

intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; 

in your book were written, every one of them, 

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.

 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

If I would count them, they are more than the sand.

I awake, and I am still with you."

Psalm 139:1-18

Though we are Sojourning...San Francisco!

It is really difficult to maintain consistency in this fast-paced blogging world. I honestly don't know how people do it! Blogging anxiety has fully returned, as my "easter musings" seem to have taken place eons ago. A LOT has happened in between, and the blogger in me must figure out what to report. Over coffee (I wish!), my tendency might be to share every detail, but for all of our sakes, here, I'll be semi-selective in what to share. 

I have been meaning to start a little mini-series of posts called, "Though we are Sojourning". 

Here's why: the name of our blog started to bother me one day. Not in a way that would cause me to go through the energy of brainstorming a new name, but in a way that I felt like an explanation was needed. You see, Matt and I are very much sojourning- passing through, staying temporarily, a vapor, here one day gone the next, made for a Kingdom not fully come...you get the drift. However, this life is so full of meaning, purpose, and glory that I would hate to make it sound as though we are just waiting for something in the meantime. No, not at all are we just waiting! Quite the opposite. Instead, BECAUSE we are headed to our real home eventually, we are freed, and I do mean completely FREE, to live out the fullness of that purpose, meaning, and glory, with boldness, sacrifice, tenacity, risk,  joy, and zeal. 

Jesus did. Jesus was God and he knew that after his short jaunt on earth he would be headed home- back up to the right hand of the Father, to glory, and eternity, and angels rejoicing, and all the other clamor and exaltation of Heaven. He was on a short mission, temporarily staying and passing through; and yet he did so with boldness, sacrifice, tenacity, risk, joy, and zeal...AND he did it perfectly. He was missionally minded and here with a purpose every day he lived in the flesh, and his life was radical and active and passionate because of it. 

And I'm so glad he set this example for us and asks us to pick up our own crosses and follow him. Because it helps us to know that although all the glories of Heaven are coming and we were made for them, our jaunt here is not a waste. Matt and I are on mission together...freed to follow Christ in living missionally, purposefully, with boldness, sacrifice, tenacity, risk, joy, and zeal. And though we definitely don't do that perfectly, in fact I'd so we're disgustingly human in our pursuit most of the time, we can and do keep going by grace. 

All that to say, Matt and I have decided work with Campus Crusade for Christ in San Francisco next year. And, thanks be to God, it matters! And we're really excited about it! You might say we left our hearts there...

We have been in the process of traveling, praying, thinking, talking, reading, and researching since October; knowing that it is time to leave our beloved SLO, head to a big city, and serve in a new way. From the beginning, we really had an interest and desire to work with college students, and yet we also wanted to be obedient to living out God's call to the poor, widow, and orphan. We are thankful that God has given us an opportunity to serve and minister to both students and the poor, to see souls saved and hearts changed for Christ, and then to show those souls the implications for their lives and ours- to labor for the Kingdom of God in loving, serving, and living among the poor, widow, and orphan. We are learning that San Francisco is a very unique city and the people who call her home follow suit. We have been encouraged and confirmed along the way that this is a place we feel like God wants to use us for next year and however long after that he wants us to stay. We have great expectancy that God is preparing a mighty work in this city and we really can't wait to be a part of it!

There is so much more to share, and we do hope we'll get the chance to over the next few months, but for now that is the latest big new for us!! A little over 2 months left here...and it's feeling like the beginning of the end for the SLO life.

Easter Musings...

I think Easter is the best holiday we, as in humans, have going these days...
I think mostly because I can't figure out a way that it's about me. It's not as tempting to cheapen Easter by making it about ME or US. And the only way that I could, is that I serve a personal God who lived FOR ME, died FOR me, and then resurrected FOR ME. Its refreshing that the only thing about me is that I find myself on Easter at the great mercy of the Resurrected King. 


If I may, I'd like to share a bit of what God has been blowing my mind with over this past Easter weekend:

"...God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 1:27-31

It makes no sense that God should enter the world as a baby, in a manger, with dirt and animals all around. It's shocking that when that same God-man grew up, he wandered for three years with no home, no where to lay his head, virtually a homeless man. It's confounding that God, in human form, should be despised, rejected, tortured, and betrayed by his own creation. It's wrong that God would hang on a tree, between two criminals to die a seemingly indiscriminate death between them. And, wow- God provided the Lamb, in the form of His Son, that would be slaughtered to cover the sins of his creation, as he first put into the plan way back at the first Passover...and a Lamb? An adorable baby, pure, cuddly cute lamb...to be slaughtered and to save people from the foe of death? And children...Jesus loves children and wants the children to come to him? And the poor, the widow, the orphan and fatherless, the voiceless and defenseless? Jesus, God on earth, identifies himself with these people- dines with, serves, and stops to notice these people. 

Everything about God and the way He does things confuses and offends our human pride that would so quickly like to rise up and be something special. We want to be first, when God says that the last will be first. We want to be the lion, and Jesus comes as the lamb. We want the big homes, nice cars, and bank accounts that help us rest at night, when God seems to be saying, "Don't you know that it will be harder for you to need me and know me if you put your heart and soul into those things?". Because God is, for such lack of a better word, so cool. He challenges everything about our human pride and consequence that would like to be better than God and not need God, and He does things differently, so that we can't boast before God. Lots of times, I would rather be able to boast because its just more natural to want to be the best. But when I allow God to truly change my heart and give me eyes to see him as He is, I am so thankful, grateful, humbled, overwhelmed, and overjoyed that this really is all about God, his kingdom, and the way he does things. And that he chose a girl like me and a boy like Matt, sinful and weak and offensive to God, and He, GOD, died FOR US, and then He invites us to be part of the way He does things. It's really all about Him. 

Thanks and Glory be to God!


So, of far less importance but still fun...
We had a really nice Easter. It started with the Good Friday service we attended at noon on Friday. On Saturday, Matt ran 18 miles...(what?!) to Avila Beach. Then I drove (shame, shame, shame) and met him there for breakfast. We did some exploring, picture taking, and beach laying, and then we stopped by the Avila Valley Barn for some ice cream on the way home. It was one of those days that makes you wonder if you really should ever leave San Luis Obispo. It's that beautiful and quaint and lovely. On Easter we were able to take a morning stroll and have a nice breakfast. We went to church and stayed for lunch provided afterwards. We love our church and are so thankful for how we have come to build ministry and relationships there. We respect our pastor a lot and appreciate that we hear the gospel every Sunday. It always seems hard to get out of there at the end of services- we both may have a bit of a long winded tendency :) Then we had our first annual St. Pierre Easter egg hunt. We each took a turn hiding eggs and then timing each other to find them. I won by 2 seconds...ok, shoot. I may have bragged and made it "about me" for just a second... :) We were invited over to the Pappas' house for Easter dinner and thoroughly enjoyed getting to visit with some friends we don't get to see often enough. We feel so blessed to know such stellar people, to be so well taken care of, and also to have each other. 


On tap for the upcoming weekend...San Francisco here we come! 


Enjoy some recent pictures...