I am reading Blue Like Jazz again. My first read was my freshman year of college and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I picked it up again because I have given it to a few students to read, and figured I could use a little refresher on what the heck I was handing out. Again, I am really enjoying it.
I feel like Donald Miller, the author, would be so fun to talk to. I love the way he writes with a perfect mix of humor and solemnity. He is intellectual and serious without sounding arrogant. It all seems natural, too, which I love because I hate when I can tell authors are trying to be funny or just trying to get me to like them. I feel like I learn a lot from the guy because he has something that I have been realizing I need more of in my life, relationships, and walk with God. Honesty. I feel like for the first time ever I am learning to really be honest with myself and with God. For some reason that has been a struggle for me in the past. I think because I like to pretend I have “it” all together, or maybe it’s the fear that perfect Christian women don’t have questions, doubts, fears, or bad days. I often try to fool myself and, foolishly, God, as well. I have often failed to bring God my most true and ugly self. Authenticity is something I respect, value, and admire when I experience it in others. There is something about coming up against someone with an authentically passionate faith and love for Jesus that is both upsetting and inspiring. Upsetting because I feel like in some ways, the ugliness in my own heart can be exposed, and inspiring because it makes me want to love God and people more honestly and radically.
I will say that since moving to San Francisco I have been challenged and impacted by the diversity of people and expressions of faith. I want to live and believe things about God that are as close to what I see written in the Word as possible, and I want to mean them with everything I am. I feel like I’m growing.
Anyways, I love this book. I’m only about ¾ of the way through this second reading, but I want to share a few quotes that I’ve come upon lately that have been challenging to me, and that, perhaps in sad ways or maybe refreshingly honest ways, I can relate to:
“…the trouble with deep belief is that it costs something. And there is something inside me, some selfish beast of a subtle thing that doesn’t like the truth at all because it carries responsibility, and if I actually believe these things then I have to do something about them. It is so, so cumbersome to believe anything.”
“What I believe is not what I say I believe. What I believe is what I do.”
“My life testifies that the first thing I believe is that I am the most important person in the world.”
“Dying for something is easy because it is associated with glory. Living for something…is the hard thing." [Not sure if I completely agree with the dying being easy part, but I think he’s onto something.]
I am also reading the Chronicles of Naria right now. I’m on The Horse and his boy. I think that C.S. Lewis is brilliant. He dreamed up different worlds and then masterfully brought them to life.
My book list keeps growing and growing, too. Coming up: Picking Cotton: A Memoir. I’m going to read it as part of a book club, which is real exciting. Also in the near future, I want to read Let Me Be a Woman, by Elisabeth Elliot, and Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis, again.
There is so much to KNOW in the world. Can you even fathom or believe how many books there are? I want to be a well-read, cultured, and scholarly individual. And yet, there’s always and forever a balance to strike- Is reading worth anything unless it challenges, shapes, and impacts the person I am and the way I’m living? I’m not sure. I’m pretty sure it’s okay just to read “for fun” or pleasure. But, I think overall, I’d hate to be someone who has read a lot, can tell others principles and lessons I’ve learned, share quotes on a blog, and then never actually change or let my heart, mind, soul, and actions be affected. Read on, Readers. And be affected.
