Sweet Simon.

What is it about babies that can turn grown men into mush, dogs into security guards, and worshippers of sleep into ‘round the clock feeders, changers, and cuddlers?

We spent a few days in Maryland last week to visit Simon. He is far cuter than I could have imagined. I would hate to sound like I’m just saying that because I have to as one of his only two aunties. I’m not. He is absolutely so sweet and precious. It was four days full of napping with him, kissing his tiny cheeks, lips, and head, changing diapers, changing outfits (for the fun of it), and just holding him as he looked around and took it all in. Simon is four weeks old this Friday, and the world is very new.

I have some thoughts from our time there…

Being a parent is just crazy. I’m not even a parent…so I guess I can’t fully conceive of how crazy it is...but from the outside, I can see that it’s crazy.  You sacrifice so much for your little one and all they know is that they're alive--- but not that they’re alive only because of you! I guess it’s easier to see how grateful we should be for our own parents when you are a parent yourself. You know how many hours of sleep they gave up, how much money they spent, how many diapers they changed.

New life! How amazing! Babies grow inside their moms and live there? As viable humans...living IN someone else?! Everyone starts that way- little dependent, sleepy, sweet, squishy faced, milk-fiends. (Isn't it sad to think that every single person in our prisons was just a little squishy-faced cuddler at one point?) As we grow from babies to children, we trust our parents only more and more and ask them for everything that we need unashamedly. We instinctively know they love us and will provide for us. It’s a big task to be a parent and to show your kids that. There must be something to what God says about coming to him as little children. I always find it amazing how God allows us to understand his character more through different phases of lives- as children, as parents, as husbands and wives, as friends. God doesn’t waste any of these seasons, but only uses them to show us how he relates to us, how he loves us, the way he provides for us, views us, is faithful to us, and would do anything for us. 

I just can’t imagine the kind of love that you experience for your children. I love Simon a lot, and he’s my nephew. I can’t even imagine how absolutely in love with my own child I will be.  

I can see how difficult it would be to not worry your head off about these little humans, and to remember that they aren’t really yours, but just yours to watch over. I understand that idea may even cause offense to some. But I really believe that as parents, spouses, friends, homeowners, pet-havers, job-holders,  and lovers of life, love, and adventure, we are only to steward, care for, and hold loosely the things the Lord has given us. I am reading a book right now called, “A Woman After God’s Own Heart”, and one thing she says at the outset is that she wakes up every morning and offers everything in her life back to God, as the GIVER. All the good things and the gifts and the loved ones in her life- with a knowledge that all things are for Christ, through him, and to him, that God gives and He takes away. Every good and perfect gift comes from the Father and thus is for the purposes and glory of the Father. The danger is to put our roots too deep here on earth as though those things and people were worth living for in themselves. We are sojourners, as are our children.

I am excited to be a mom someday. I feel like it would be such an honor to raise up these little people who are little bit of you and a little bit of your spouse, and to teach them to love the Lord and to love people. Really, to raise them into people who can be effective in the Kingdom of God and raise up their own little people someday. I know that time isn’t now for us, but I’m so excited for when it is. I feel like we know so many people who are pregnant right now or have just had babies, so that will be a good fix. But seriously, thank God for babies.

Celebrating One Year

Matt and I celebrated our one year anniversary on August 2. It felt like such a huge milestone, and well, I guess it was. My parents will celebrate their thirtieth anniversary in May 2011, and Matt’s parents will celebrate thirty years in December 2010. Both sets of our grandparents are or would have been fifty years strong. We have a great legacy of lifetime of commitment in our families, and we’re very thankful for that.

 I think of how far thirty or, FIFTY, years sounds, and I just can’t imagine all of the things that Matt and I will walk through together in that time. We are still green, in comparison to these seasoned veterans. I can't yet fathom the children we will raise, the places and homes we’ll live in, the friends we’ll continue to walk with and meet along the way, and the way that someday all of it will end for us, like it does for everyone. As I write, we’re on a plane flying back to California from a 4-day stint in Maryland. I’m very thankful that I get to fly with Matt for the rest of my life. That might seem silly, but I’m glad we get to go places, literally and figuratively, together.

As we celebrate marriage, covenant, faithfulness, commitment, I think about the greatest legacy of faithfulness we have is found in our God. What a great example of covenant He is for us. Matt and I are so grateful to have the love of the Father- that He has shown us the constancy, commitment, tenacity, forbearance, forgiveness, steadfastness, patience, kindness, service, and humility of His own love, that we might toil year after year to show each other the same kind of love.

“…As the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.” Isaiah 62:5

I remember the day we moved into our first apartment, talking to my mom, and her saying, “I still remember your dad and I’s first apartment. Enjoy this year! You’ll always look back and remember it as one of your favorites.” I think she was right. Not that life won’t continue to get better, both easier and harder in good ways. The adventure will certainly continue to be great! But from the vantage point of being married for 1 year and 14 days, there was something very sweet, memorable, and adventuresome about our first year of marriage. I loved our tiny little apartment and (despite the fact that we could offer no bed to weary travelers) loved all of our visitors. I loved learning more about my husband and being known by him. I loved cooking dinner together and eating and catching up on our days, but without the panic of knowing that our hours were numbered, and eventually he’d have to leave. I loved going for walks, not having to talk or talking a lot. I loved washing dishes together, decorating together, and spending whole weekends together. Together is a good thing. I loved getting to sit next to him in church, and loved serving the youth there. I loved seeking the Lord about next steps in life. I loved learning from my husband and being challenged and sharpened in so many ways that I don’t think I would have been without him. Now, it was really hard, too, at times. Thank you God, that by your grace, we walk through those things only to become more like your Son.

I love this quote about marriage:

“Marriage is a vocation. It is a task to which you are called. If it is a task, it means you work at it. It is not something which happens. You hear the call, you answer, you accept the task, you enter into it willingly and eagerly, you commit yourself to its disciplines and responsibilities and limitations and privileges and joys. You concentrate on it, giving yourself to it day after day in a lifelong Yes.”  -Elisabeth Elliot

To celebrate our anniversary, we spent one night and two days in Bass Lake, CA, at the Pines Resort. Matt planned it and surprised me with the location. We hiked, laid out, swim, ate, walked, played cards, and napped. We had a lovely time and felt it was such a gift to be able to get away to celebrate, remember, and be refreshed. Full steam ahead into all the things we can't yet imagine, but will make up our years!